Pretty Woman

This is not a repertoire of the 1990’s  romcom, by the same name. Nor is it an attempt  to spark off a debate on the plethora of products adorning the racks of our body-care boutiques, from face to body, hair, skin, nails et al, to pump up the glamour quotient. After all beauty, they say…is only skin deep! And is that all that evinces our interest in our womenfolk? Certainly not. Let’s shift our focus then,  to some startling statistics about women:

·         In both developed and developing countries, women work 35 hours more than men every week (1996).

·         There is no country in the world where women's wages are equal to those of men (2000) .

·         In world politics, only 13% are women

·         In the corporate sector, the no. of women on top is about 16%, and the nos. are not moving in the ascending direction since 2002.

·         In Silicon Valley, for every 100 shares of stock options owned by a man, only one share is owned by a woman (1995).

But today’s not Women’s Day! Then why this pugnacious attempt on awakening towards feminist intellection. The facts, figures and numbers will keep changing with years, and not necessarily in the order of our preference, as reports and trends indicate, as we  phlegmatically find avenues to occupy ourselves, given our penchant for routine above rational thinking towards societal causes, and I am no different.

There are a myriad of stray thoughts, nagging me on my current status as a stay at home, working mother…well, whose ever heard of a non-working mother anyway? Mothers by default are working, in their homes for sure in all cases without exception, and outside of homes in some cases. I quit a full time, well paying corporate job, to be a caretaker for my children few years ago. Since then I have been working full time at home, and flexitime as a freelance HR consultant. All my friends who are mothers too, are faced with this perpetual quandary….to work outside of home or not? The grass always seems greener on the other side, as we women go amok engaging in sardonic discussions, inadvertently ending in self prosecution. And hence this salient subject that has quelled most of our womenfolk, as I prepare to give vent from the deepest recesses.

 Most working mothers I know, feel guilty to step out to the workplace, because this is inferred as a direct trade off from time spent with the family. Surprisingly, none of the men folk harbour any related thoughts or feelings. And our media and TV commercials do nothing to salvage the situation, only add to the grievance, when they portray a moping girl child coaxing her nani (maternal grand mom) over a phone call, to come to her rescue, to assuage her long tresses as the office going mamma has no time for the same, and the mamma overhearing the lament, left feeling remorseful and extremely inept . A working mother is always treading on a razor’s edge, striving to strike that fine balance between childcare and official commitments. She makes every effort to fit in her kids soccer classes, music classes, doctor’s appointments, play dates etc while juggling her official emails/ phone calls, deliverables, deadlines etc, with élan. Her predilections towards the home and the kids stimulates her multitasking ability as she focuses on the homework, projects, and assignments with an eye towards fixing the dinner, all at once. These attributes well captured in a phrase describing current genre of mothers as ‘helicopter moms’, hovering around the kids to meet their smallest of daily needs, in an article read recently. This ubiquitous dextrity has made her the self proclaimed queen of her haven and has thereby kept the man of the house bereft from opportunities to demonstrate his proficiency in the field. Let me project a few facts once again, collated from different sources, for clarity:

• Working mothers still perform most of the household chores.
• Working mothers work more hours (paid and unpaid) than working fathers.
• Mothers who work part-time have the longest working hours of all.
• Even when both parents are working, the responsibility of care for sick children usually falls on the mother.

The facts have not been mustered overnite, yet they are an honest projection of women, reprising her role as the only sane option for panacea, for the family and kids, leaving her depleted of her physical and emotional reserves. Who is responsible for this systemic evolution of mindsets amongst our male and female species? Why are womenfolk perennially engaging in rueful attempts to be masterful in her deliverables, poised ambiguously amongst the interstitial spaces of family and office work? As we ask these poignant questions, there are fingers pointing at us, women, as much as we’d like to stay oblivious to the revelations, looming large at our grimacing faces.

Euphemism, it is, as we agree to the banal truth, that ‘patriarch’ is legacy and we women need to accept recriminations for being ambassadors for promulgating this practice. We could have the best of education and credentials, yet in marriage, we always settle for a spouse doing better- higher education, better credentials that come with a better job. Women have the nonchalance, never to take their job/ careers seriously, considering them impediments in pursuit of a blissful family life. Women typically work for the ‘added’ income in the family- that which allows access to the extravagant lifestyle- the malls, the shopping, the kitsch fine dining eateries, the holiday abroad etc etc. The onus of being breadwinner still rests on the tender shoulders of our menfolk, much to their dislike, perhaps, just like women are expected to take a step back (in the career context), as soon as the stork comes visiting. This is perhaps one of the key notions, that has been influencing women to procrastinate marriage, and motherhood, giving birth to a host of fertility related complications.

The rules of the game are changing for the better, and we have witnessed one such exemplification in a highly qualified and deserving Marissa Meyer being appointed CEO Of Yahoo Inc, 5 months into her pregnancy. Are employers sitting up with alacrity to take note? Is there  a need felt, to enhance avenues at work, for optimally utilising the untapped potential of our womenfolk, that has been waning into obscurity so far? How can they create work conditions conducive to the demands faced by a mother, or is it simply convenient to remain taciturn? There can be crèches, options to work flexitime or from home, so that every woman is able to unleash her latent potential in the interest of serving the firm, while also bequeathing her maternal responsibilities in undiluted proportions. There is a patent obligation, that we create a progressive environment, where every woman can pursue her career and motherhood simultaneously, sans scepticism that both are mutually exclusive.

Well, these are just a few indicators of creating a work environment commensurate with multitude of needs faced by an office going mother. Doesn’t guarantee a smooth journey through motherhood, because there are no rules to this game, no qualifiers….there is no right or wrong here….no black or white…but only varying shades of grey. There is no right mantra, to make you the impeccable ‘mom’, but a game of trial and errors. The idea is to survive all odds, amongst the incessant shifting of tectonic plates called life. A friend of mine, after a long hiatus of staying away, was on a compulsive job search, because she wanted to inspire her daughter, who was a recluse and withdrawing. She wanted to instill the awakening in her daughter, that in this era of fragile relationships, the need to be self dependent is no- more a choice, but a dire necessity. On the other hand, there was another office going mom, whose daughter, when probed about her career plans, stated with brusque intonation, that she aspired to be a stay-at-home mom, being around with her children, as that was something she found lacking in her life. So the rules are divergent for all, ‘change’ and ‘adaptability’ being the only constants.

So girls, celebrate Women’s Day, each day of your life, standing firmly by the choices and decisions, undeterred and unperturbed by what others think, say or do, indefatigable as you cherish life, in it’s all it’s psychedelic hues, through ups and downs, leading it on your terms with conviction!