KASHMKASH- The Everlasting Dilemma

What to do….and what not to do, that seems to be the question gnawing at most of our minds, the Gen Y ‘moms’, or in a more broader sense, us ‘parents’ I would say? With a plethora of new age concepts and parenting tips being dumped on us, we are perennially battling our growing up thoughts and questioning our basics, on what literally is the ‘utopian’ way of raising a child? After all, this is not something we can experiment with, we all agree, to determine the so called ‘ideal’ way!!
To put matter to perspective, here is an example. My son of six years is required to draw a horse as part of his homework, assigned to him. He somehow manages to design a creature with four limbs and a bushy tail, to partake of it’s remote resemblance to the animal mentioned in the subject. Promptly he comes to me, clamouring for feedback, the glint in his eyes already anticipating a stroke on his back. To say that the drawing was ‘bad’, would be an understatement, the bias of my maternal instincts influencing heavily, disallowing me from calling it anything worse. But the drawing actually looked like a ‘donkey’, or more appropriately, an outlandish hybrid between a pig and an antelope. Am I allowed to give vent to the spiels of laughter prompted at the sight of the drawing? No,….never. That would be inferred as a benign attempt to thwart the creative talent in my son, at least that’s what the parenting tips point out. I am only allowed to applaud his attempt at creative imagination and designing a horse, so what, if it looks more like a donkey. I am left asking myself, is this right? I, as a parent, shoulder this humongous responsibility of guiding and coaching my child. Would he know the difference between a horse and a donkey, at least pictorially, if I withheld my uncensored comments? I am left in a quandary, in case I reserve my true opinion and acknowledge his effort only, wouldn’t that set off complacency in him and push him to a languid corner? Will he ever attempt to improve his drawing or will be wallowing in a realm of falsified glory and prepare a mental imagery of his drawing skills bordering on a Hussain..
As I take a trip down memory lane, and try to do draw parallels to the situation, I am reminded that my parents would have been unhesitant and relentless in their expression of my creative abilities. They would ensure I am bequeathed with the right inputs, even if that meant deriding my amateur attempts at drawing. They would never hold back or consciously refrain from their critical inputs, aiding me thereby, to improve next time. In fact my favourite Sant Kabir Doha which I remember till date happens to be- ‘Nindak niyare rakhi ye, aangan kuti chavaye, bin paani sabun bina, nirmal kare suhaye’; meaning it is most prudent to nurture the company of critiques because that prompts you to constantly strive towards your betterment.
Then why is our intent as ‘parents’ under the scanner as we attempt to correct our children? They are kids after all and are likely to stray. Why give them to believe they are infallible? I an certainly not a proponent of ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’. I strongly believe that love and only love is what they need to grow up in an uninhibited environment. However liberties cannot be without boundaries cos limitless freedom can only sow the seeds of chaos!
Coming back to the point of parenting qualms, what are we as parents doing wrong, when we want to call a spade, a spade? I do not subscribe to the banalities when told that children need only encouragement from parents. Yes, they need encouragement, but they also need to develop their sensibilities to be able to exercise their discretion judiciously. We have to strike a balance somewhere, to steer clear of the preposterous doctrines, and make a rational assessment of what is in the best interest of our children? There surely can be no black and white rules applicable in this scenario, but different shades of grey. The ‘right ‘shade of grey, as applicable to our children, is for us to choose. We have to be able to share feedback with them, without the fear looming large in our minds of this being misconstrued as an attempt towards sullying their image. We, as parents, need to teach them to be able to accept critical feedback, showing them the long term benefits of it. As we parents, prepare ourselves to raise the next generation, there is only a single minded focus we should keep- To inculcate in them the right values and equip them with life skills. The means should, in no way, assume larger importance, than the end!!